- “What’s My Name” – Snoop Dogg
I went to bed last night listening to some good old 90’s hip-hop, which of course started out with Snoop. When I listen to songs like ‘Gin and Juice‘ or ‘What’s My Name‘ I am transported back to hot summers lying by the city pool; flirting with cute boys (mostly innocently), smoking (mostly cigarettes), and generally finding ways to get into trouble (mostly successfully). I was just a hot little girl, living in a mostly white city with not a worry in the world. The sun was high in the blue sky; the trees were blooming, life was the shit. Then one night, on one of my trouble-making missions; I found trouble, or I should say He found me.
- “Tick Tock and You Don’t Stop” – Snoop Dogg
Partying or babysitting? Not much difference at 13. Hot Damn we had some fun – after the kids went to bed. Three girls drinking cinnamon schnapps, jamming, and watching porn (and Mtv). Sound familiar? The parents were always out all night (musicians), they usually showed back up around dawn and He came over shortly after they left for the night (HE WAS THEIR NEPHEW AND THEY ENCOURAGED US TO HANG WITH HIM). He partied with us a couple of times first, just as a friend. After that He chose me out of the three of us because I had the biggest tits. It’s as simple as that. He said we had a connection, I was smarter than them, prettier, more mature , but it was the tits. I was 13 with a C cup and He was 21. He had the good shit, already rolled, ready to smoke. He had the tequila. He had experience the boys my age lacked. He showed me what I was missing. He made me scream, in a good way – that first night. After that He made me want to die. My friends thought they were screams of pleasure. How wrong they were.
- “I Will Survive” -Cake or “Counting Stars” -One republic
This was back in the days before everyone carried a cell, when we all (at that age) connected via written notes. My friends were obsessed with the fact that I was not only fucking someone, but an older guy at that. They wrote to me constantly. They wanted details, they wrote about what they heard, about what they saw. They wrote about how hot He was. My mom found a note. So what did she do? Told my father of course. When my dad found out I was “having sex” with an older guy he ran out of the house like a lunatic with his gun.
- “My Name is Jonas” – Weezer
I wanted my dad to kill Him. He deserved to die for what he did to me (on one hand). Another thought ran through my mind though. I thought, “I could just go, just run away through the woods – get lost and just keep running until He can never find me again and until my dad gives up looking for Him or me, I could just start a new life, in a new city, with new friends.” But instead I sat in my room with my heart pounding and my palms sweating and tears streaming down my face waiting to hear the news that my dad went to the police and told them everything he knew. That’s when I became known as a narc. I denied it but deep down I was glad that bastard went to jail even though it totally fucked my life up too.
- “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – Nirvana
I should have run. I should have packed a bag, stolen some silver or money, and run. The cops don’t keep secrets because you’re underage, because you’ve been raped. That’s the law but it’s not real life. They don’t even bother to exclude your name, because why not? What damage can it do, right? They tell their friends and then those people tell their friends who tell their families. The kids tell other kids and pretty soon everyone knows. You can’t walk down the road without people staring and talking in whispers. Once people think you told, that’s it. You have to fight forever: there is always someone blaming you for something. A party got busted? Must be your fault, get ready to throw down. Some girl’s boyfriend got picked up with a pound after flirting with you in Physics? She’s comin for your ass. You better watch out…… A fucking pregnant chick wanted to kick my ass! I still don’t know what that was about. I should have run. The worst thing, the very worst thing of all is that everybody knows that you were raped….raped….raped. So what happens at every party? Under the bleachers at free period when you just want to hide from it all? When you skip class to buy a sack to try to make it all go away? For some entirely fucked up reason, you become fair game.
- “Closer” – Nine Inch Nails
- “Spirits”- The Strumbellas
I screwed a guy and stole his gun. I thought about what to do with it. Should I kill Him when He gets out? Should I shoot the guys that raped me? Should I shoot the next one? Because there would be a next one, I knew that for sure. But what good would that do? I would end up in jail knowing my luck. I could just see it. I’d confront the son of a bitch, pull out that cold steel, shoot him right in the dick and he wouldn’t die. The same asshole cops that told my story to the whole damn town would show up. He would tell em I’m a crazy Bitch, which let’s be honest, at this point I think I am at least a little nuts. I end up in cuffs.
End of Story folks.
Coming Soon- a story correlating with
- “Yellow” – Coldplay
Note from the author: I have cited some great music throughout this story, partly to help tell the story and partly because it’s great inspiration for me. Even if you know the songs, give them a listen as listed, it’ll enhance the story.